So, here is my recommendation for a great start to the day, if you are not the type to do yoga or a 5 AM run:

1. Get 2 or 3 inspiring and well-written books. Absolutely no heavy gloom and doom! You have enough of that during your 16-18 waking hours every day.
2. Keep them by your bed.
3. Sandwich your sleep between them.

It’s a very simple and economical way to have a beautiful day. I can recommend some great books if you like.

Later! (If you see someone in the streets singing with the birds today… don’t bother me!)

“Bob”, my significant other was helping me. Well, he’s got a whole different approach to life and business than I do. And well, it turned into an argument, punctuated by tears and sulking on my part. Suddenly everything was involved—feelings of self-worth, feelings about our relationship, issues with abandonment and validation. Sigh!

The systematic, dogmatic type like “Bob” would wonder what the heck do emotions have to do with this. You just calculate a few numbers and voila! you’re done. … Are you freaking kidding me? Maybe artistic and helper types should stay away from business plans. And never, ever get your partner involved … Oh alright, I know! Not every creative is like me and not every pragmatist is like Bob.

Go ahead and get your significant other involved. I’ll keep mine out of my affairs.

You know those movies that have a comic scene of the novice inadvertently getting on the wrong lift and finding himself at the top of Suicide Hill. There is no way down except to go headfirst and take out a few people, treetops and large bears along the way. Well, look up. That’s me screaming over the first jump.

And I can’t explain why I feel like that. I just can’t.

And yes, I saw you coming out of the novelty store carrying bags of “stuff” that is going to clutter someone’s desk/kitchen/bookshelf for the next two months until they screw up enough courage to stuff it under the bed. By June, it will be evicted and find itself at Goodwill trying desperately to find a new home.

Your thoughtful friends and family will reciprocate by unloading a pile of crap under your tree and make you suffer 6 months of guilt for thinking, “Which sucker can I unload this on?”

Why does Christmas have to last all year? … Oh don’t argue! You know it does! September to December you shop. December to January, you gain 40 pounds (mostly alcohol to dull the pain of the family arguments). January to June, you pay the credit card bills. And July to August, you hope to lose the 40 pounds. (Don’t worry about that, you’ll lose it quickly enough when you start dragging those damned fruitcakes around again in September.)

Right! So what was my point? It had something to do with what George Bernard Shaw said: “A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.” (He’s my 3rd favourite playwright, by the way.)

I’m taking yet another page out of Alice’s Adventures. The tea party was to celebrate unbirthdays and, by George, I’m going to celebrate an unChristmas! You just try and stop me! I’ll stuff you in a teapot!

Have you ever seen it? The fleeting moment when a woman’s daring dreams surface for an instant — just before she gets her enthusiasm under control again. A brief flash of ambition as her hopes struggle to break free of her routine, her reality and her fears.

In the many years since I started teaching dance, I’ve seen it, again and again. It happens for a split second after I say, “I’m a dance teacher.” “Really?” she says, “I’ve always wanted to take [blank] dance!”

Sometimes that revelation is followed by a few questions: What kind of dance? Where do you teach? Can I bring a friend with me? … it doesn’t matter what questions she asks, because the chances are high this woman will never make it to a class.

I see her desperately trying to shove those rebellious thoughts back into line. Then, I watch the excitement drain from her face as she starts with the deluge of handy excuses she holds in reserve for just these occasions.

X My husband won’t let me.
X My boyfriend won’t like it if I dance with other men and there’s no way he’ll come with me.
X I can’t leave the kids for 2 hours a week! That would make me a bad mother.
X It’s too cold outside.
X It’s too hot outside.
X I’m too fat to dance.
X I won’t be able to keep up.
X I haven’t exercised in 5 years; I have to get in shape first.
X I can’t spend money on myself; that’s selfish.
X Did I mention I’m too fat to dance?
X Ok, I’m too skinny to dance.
X I’m too tall to dance; I’ll tower over all the others.
X I’m too short; I won’t be able to see over the others.
X I don’t have time.
X I don’t have rhythm.
X I broke my ankle 6 years ago and it hasn’t healed yet.
X I broke a fingernail last week and it hasn’t grown back yet.
X But, but, but… Desperate Housewives is on TV that night.

I won’t try to argue with all those authentic and valid reasons. They are too many and the responses are too obvious. But I will mention the last one. What’s the difference between you and those ladies down the lane? No! It’s not that they are all perfect images of what we should be before we can allow ourselves to live. That’s not the answer.

The answer is that they don’t wait in front of a TV for life to come into their living rooms. (Well, that and you wouldn’t sleep with your gardener, his best friend and his cousin. And if you did, that’s entirely your business!)

Not that I’m saying this is about you, the fearless, confident woman who might be reading this. It’s not about you; my observations are about the woman next door, the one across the street, the one in the grocery line behind you, but definitely not you!

Um … It’s about me … I’ll admit it; I’m that woman sometimes too. It is so much easier to say, “My car is in the garage.” than to say, “I’m afraid to try something new because I might not be good at it.”

Or I prefer to tell myself, “I’ll never find a parking spot in that neighbourhood” rather than “I’m scared out of my wits!” Always tell my self whatever my self is more likely to believe. Right?

Right! Because I really don’t mind spending all my days waiting for… waiting for… for… I have no bloody idea what I’m waiting for but whatever it is, I don’t mind sitting here and waiting for it. Really, I don’t!

Then I go to the mall for toilet paper and I get sad — sad for the woman behind the cashier’s dull eyes that became animated for a moment, sad for that little flame of hope that flickered and then died just as quickly. And sad because a long time ago I almost let my own fears keep me from experiencing the truest passion of my life.

But I don’t stay sad for long. Because I remember that day when, despite my friends bailing out last minute, I still put on my favourite pair of shoes and marched my scared little behind off, down the street, to follow a dream.

So, what’s holding you back?

http://www.EightPrinciples.com

(I think I’ll go back and read it again… like, now.)

That woman promptly made me regret my judgmental thoughts when she turned to me and asked me if I need help with my bags. I was so surprised that this elderly lady wanted to help me with my groceries. After all, didn’t old people just stand there with a scowl and wait for other people to cater to them?? And I must point out that there were two young men and a young woman also waiting with us.

I thanked her and declined. Before I had a chance to get over my surprise, the bus arrived and again she offered to help. And since I really didn’t need help, she instead stood aside and insisted I get on the bus ahead of her. Wow!

Not too many people would be thoughtful enough to stand aside, let alone offer to help. In fact, I’ve had men try to pick me up while I was struggling with luggage and it didn’t occur to them that one way to get my attention was to take a freaking bag!

Anyway, I realized that I had this assumption that the elderly were there to receive assistance, not give it. How silly of me! This beautiful, kind lady challenged some of my beliefs and I’m all the better for it. And madam, wear as much make-up as you bloody well please. Just so long as you feel good in it. Thanks for the lesson…

And I started to listen. I almost became a cranky, bitter old woman! Well, enough of that pile of crap. I’m me. That means I will smile at random people on the streets and in restaurants. I will wear crop tops and mini skirts. I will wiggle my butt and shimmy my hips. (I would shake my boobs too, if I had any.) I will share my crazy stories, opinions, neuroses. I will drink beer from the bottle. I will laugh out loud when something tickles my fancy. (What is it with people who say, “That’s so funny.” instead of letting the laughter out?)

And you know what? If uptight, cynical, unhappy people think that I’m not respectable or professional because I choose to live life bursting with joy, well that’s unfortunate–for them.

Summer’s here! I’m full of giggles. Y’all get over yourselves and let’s play!!! I’m back and there’s plenty of mischief out there to get into…

There are those interminable minutes of paralysis where you can’t bring yourself to say, “Hey man, you have a huge hunk of green between your right incisor and canine.” What the heck is that all about?

Yesterday a friend had a bit of white fuzz on his eyebrow and it took me a whole half hour to break the conversation and tell him. He got kinda pissed with me–understandably. I could have told him the moment I saw it.

He had a really good point that I took the time to think about today: why wait and let someone continue to walk around with something embarrassing in their teeth, or hair, or nose? We all appreciate it when a friend, or even a total stranger, points these things out to us, aren’t we?

Are we really afraid of the other person’s reaction? Obviously not! I can just hear how silly that would sound in my own head, “Oh no! He’ll thank me and I just couldn’t bear the thought of that! The horror!”

So, that’s not the reason we sit still and keep our mouths shut. At some point when my eyes wandered again to the bit of fuzz, I became vaguely aware that I was trapped in my own mortifying memories of being the one with the booger in my nose. I have no idea why I hesitate when I know that the right thing to do would be to speak up. Interrupt the conversation, if necessary.

I have other stories of times when I did speak up right away. What made the difference between action and hesitation? I don’t know the answer to that one either. I suspect it’s all in the urgency of the situation—for example,  if I don’t do something NOW, the tiny hole in my friend’s pants will become a huge split and the whole world will see her ass.

Actually, in the case of an open zipper, I worry that someone will question why I was looking there in the first place. (Come to think of it, if you don’t want me looking there, close the damned zipper!)

Whatever the fears that keep us silent, they don’t really hold up under scrutiny. I can’t think of a single valid reason to not spare friend or stranger further embarrassment. All we have to do is quietly mention it, or remove the offending article discreetly. Unless they’re total freaks, they will thank you for it.

(I would be careful about picking white stuff off the back of a friend’s sweater, though. It’s not always cake icing.)

Three frogs are sitting on a log. One frog decides to jump off. How many frogs are left on the log?

If you answered one, two or none then go back and re-read the question. The correct answer is three. Why? Because the frog didn’t jump. It just ‘decided’ to jump. We ‘decide’ things all the time. We decide we’re going to get in shape, or get organized, or design our web site, or start on that screen play we’ve been carrying around in our head, or to work less and play more…

Don’t get me wrong. Most people spend their entire lives waiting to hit the lottery while their dreams shrivel and die. So actually deciding to take control of your life is, in and of itself, a huge step. And by actually making ‘changing course’ your New Year’s Resolution you’ve already increased your chances of success tenfold. However, as Peter Drucker points out, ‘plans are only good intentions unless they quickly degenerate into hard work.’

About the Author
Off the beaten path career counselor, Valerie Young, abandoned her corporate cubicle to become the Dreamer in Residence at ChangingCourse.com, offering free resources to help you discover your life mission and live it. An expert on the Imposter Syndrome, she’s presented her How to Feel as Bright and Capable as Everyone Seems to Think You Are program to over 30,000 people.

Find more articles written by Valerie at ChangingCourse.com/articles/